Limbo

Long before I was fornicating and blowing men on a weekly basis there was a point in my life when I was in a commited, long term relationship with a woman, believe it or not. She was a breathtaking vision that I saw the first day of college on my way to our floor orientation and from that moment I fell head over heels in love with her. A part of me is and will always be in love with her, but that is a completely different post.

(This is most likely the straightest I have ever looked.)

Our relationship lasted for several years and taught me a lot about myself inside and outside of relationships. However, at some point, as do most things in life, our relationship ended and I was left on a precipice. I had always known that I was bisexual, correction, I had always known that I was not straight.

I had several boy on boy experiences from the ages of 9 to 15, but it had been a while since I had any sort of sexual contact with a male, and the prospect of such really freaked me out. I mean I wasn't looking to hook up with twelve year olds who get excited when the wind blows against their wieners. I was going to hook up with men who expected things like blows jobs and penetrative anal sex. The idea of engaging in either of those made me very uncomfortable at the time.

For almost a year after my ex girlfriend and I broke up I did not hook up with anyone, minus a few PG makeout sessions. My heart was very wounded and I needed time to heal and figure out what I wanted from life, especially romantically/sexually. It was the weirdest sensation ever. My libido just kind of died for a while. I had no urge to fornicate, masturbate, or any other ate. It was not until my birthday party in February of 2012 that I drunkenly and savagely made out with my friend's best friend that my thirst for sex was reawakened.

It was at this moment that I had this decision to make. I could either continue to live in this heterosexual world that was not my true self or I could bite the bullet and dive into the homosexual world and explore a part of myself that had been dormant for almost a decade. I decided to go for it, and plunge head first down a rabbit hole, that I was not entirely prepared for the world on the other side. There are still days that I wake up thinking what the hell have I gotten myself into, but for the most part I am happy living the life that I know I was meant to live.